"Why, Mr. Weingarten, what a pleasure. I was afraid you'd be on vacation."
"I was. I just got back. Your timing is very fortunate. You caught me just before I leave on my next one."
"The reason I'm calling is because I found your latest column to be very funny. You know, the one where you make fun of Republicans. I know that doesn't narrow it down much, but just the same I found it very amusing. If you'll indulge me I was hoping to ask you a few questions from a devil's advocate point of view."
"Are you a Republican?"
"I'm a conservative."
"That's even worse, because a Republican can still be liberal--just look at John McCain--but a conservative is the proverbial tiger that won't change it's stripes. But, sure, I'd be happy to answer a few questions. Ask away."
"You mentioned Barack Obama in your column. I was just curious, are you for or against the President's Jobs Bill?"
"I'm for it, of course."
Of course. And where's the government going to get the money to pay for it?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought. How about the President's almost 3,000 page Health Care Reform Bill that nobody's read or understands. Are you for it or against it?"
"I was proudly for it when it was first proposed by Hilary Clinton in the 90's during her husband's first term in office, and I'm proudly for it now."
"And were you proudly for it when President Richard Nixon tried to pass a similar bill that--had it passed--would have guaranteed all Americans health insurance?"
"Of course not. Richard Nixon was a Republican."
"And if Obama's Health Care Bill passes, where is the government going to get the trillions of dollars it will take to pay for it and for all the additional pork and beans that are attached to it?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Let me ask you a final question: where does the government get the money to do anything?"
"By raising taxes, of course."
"That's right, by raising taxes. In other words, it takes more and more money from more and more people, and it does less and less with it. Kind of like my ex-wife. Now what do you think higher taxes will do to an already ailing economy?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
The Aw, Nuts! Humor Blog