Friday, July 15, 2011

The Problem With El Paso

I've always felt that the problem with El Paso was El Paso.  Our city has so many different personalities we've never been able to find a way to define ourselves properly.  The artists, the mad men, the image consultants...  no one ever seemed to get a handle on who we were, what we were, or how to sell ourselves to the rest of the world.  If El Paso were to find itself in front of the Wizard of Oz along with Dorothy and her three amigos--Manny, Moe, and Jack--El Paso might hear this from the man behind the curtain:  "And to you, El Paso (the Rodney Dangerfield of cities), to you I give...  respect!  Fortunately, you live in a time when respect no longer has to be earned.  It can be appropriated."  So, it's with these words in mind that I offer the city my own gift.  The gift of salesmanship.  Lies, as Gordon Gekko might put it, are good, and for a lie to be believed all that is required is to speak it out loud, or, to paraphrase everybody's favorite Nazi, tell a lie often enough, and it becomes the truth.  While I'm not suggesting that we outright lie (that would be wrong), I don't think there's anything wrong with salesmanship of the P.T. Barnum variety.

Are UFOs Real?  Find Out In El Paso!

     We can sell El Paso by first presenting a question that may or may not have anything to do with our fair city, but one that can be answered here.  The more outrageous, the better.

Who Killed JFK?  Find Out In El Paso!

     By adding the tag line "Find Out In El Paso!" we're presenting a challenge, and who doesn't love a challenge?  Who wouldn't want to find out who really killed President Kennedy?  And if they think they can find out in El Paso, then you can bet that's where they'll go.  The exclamation point is there to add a sense of excitement.  The capital letters, well, I just like to capitalize things.

Where Do People Keep Chupacabras As Pets?  Find Out In El Paso!

Did Ponce de Leon Discover The Fountain Of Youth?  Find Out In El Paso!

How Did Lady Di Really Die?  Find Out In El Paso!

Is Elvis Still Alive?  Find Out In El Paso!

     Okay.  Now it's your turn.
Fifty Shades of Humor

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