Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Dog's Life

Charlie and Buster were digging in the backyard when they found an old metal box.
     "Maybe there's money inside."
     "Yeah, it could be worth its weight in Puppy Chow."
     They both laughed at Buster's bad joke.  When they forced the box open they were disappointed.  It was only a book  Somebody's diary.  They began to read it out loud.

     January 1, 2011--Mayor John Cook's law goes into effect today.  The one prohibiting the sale of dogs less than a year old.  It's a shame that, until now, dogs could be bought and sold like, well, animals.

     Charlie looked at his friend.  "Can you believe this?" he asked.

     December 27, 2012--The last of the pet stores went out of business today.  Those poor employees.  Losing their jobs.  But it's a small price to pay for animal rights.
     August 1, 2013--I almost ran over a dog today.  Its owner should be shot.  Mayor Cook should also have institute a death penalty for people who abandon their pets.  He's the best mayor we've ever had.
     July 30, 2016--John Cook was the worst mayor we've ever had!  People's pets keep having litters, but since they can't sell them they just dump them in the streets.  Now the city's overrun.  Where are all the pet stores when you need them?
     December 25, 2020--I drove past a pack of dogs today.  They all watched me as I went by.  I looked in my rear-view mirror and--I know this sounds crazy--but it looked like they were conspiring against me.
     July 4, 2029--The Fourth of July's been canceled.  President Palin has declared a state of emergency.  There are dogs everywhere.  You can't even order pizza without some mutt jumping out of the box.  I've seen our old mayor, John Cook.  He wanders around wearing a sign.  It says:  "The End Is Near!"
     February 2, 2031--This is my last entry.  When I'm done I'll bury this diary in my backyard.  I don't have much time.  There's a group of dogs at my front door and--dear God--they're all standing on two feet!

     The diary ended there.  Charlie and Buster looked at each other.  After awhile they laughed and shook their heads.  Their big ears flapping from side to side.
     "Talking humans," Charlie chuckled, his tail wagging in good humor.  "What a joke.  By the way, have you finally had your pet human fixed?"
Fifty Shades of Funny

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