Saturday, September 1, 2012

Obama's El Paso Trip

I must admit, it was very thoughtful of President Obama--the man who once saved my life in 'Nam--to fly all the way to El Paso, Texas just to wish me a happy birthday.  The original plan was for us to sneak off and spend the Labor Day weekend at the Inn of the Mountain Gods in Ruidoso, New Mexico but, with his coming re-election in November, he had to make it look like he was in town for legitimate reasons.
     "Just make sure you don't bring the wife and kids," I told him.
     So, while the President was giving his speech to the troops at Fort Bliss, I was lead aboard Air Force One.  The plan was to play a game or two of hoops on the full-sized basketball court on his plane, and, after that, we were going to take a dip in the Olympic-sized swimming pool.
     "Maybe next time we can even play tennis or some golf," Obama suggested.
     That Air Force One.  It's bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside.  When I asked him how they were able to fit it all in, Obama admitted that they used the alien technology they found in Roswell.
     "But if you tell anyone," he warned, "I'll have to kill you."
     I laughed.
     "Remember Saigon?" he asked.  It was almost a whisper.
     I stopped laughing.
     That was his first year in office when we took Air Force One out for a spin.
     "Michelle, I'm going out for a pack of smokes," he yelled upstairs to his wife.  We were out of there before she could answer, because her answer was always no. 
     We ended up at Frisco Burgers for a double order of rolled tacos and some fries.  Obama laughed at the way Frisco's used hamburger buns for their hot dogs. 
     "But they're good," he admitted.  "They're good."
     When all his speechifying and glad-handing at Fort Bliss was over, and all the proper re-election promises were made, Obama finally made it back to his home-away-from-home.  I couldn't help but notice that he looked older.  Tired.
     "You look worse than the economy," I joked.
     "It's this constant criticism of everything I do," he said.  "It's really wearing on me."
     "How so?" I asked, but I wasn't really interested.  The sooner he vented, however, the sooner we'd get to the fun stuff.  Maybe I could even talk him into a quick trip to Mexico.  I hadn't been to the Jockey Club in years.  Obama looked like he could use some stress relief.
     "It's just that I'm blamed for everything!  Doesn't everybody know that all this bad news began with George Bush?  The economy?  George Bush.  The wars in the Middle East?  George Bush.  3D movies?  That was George Bush, too, but it's all sticking to me like oil on a duck."
     "George Bush?"
     "Nah, that one was strictly BP," Obama admitted.  "George Bush had it easy compared to me.  No one ever criticized him for anything." 
     He looked at this watch.
     "I hate to cut our visit short," he said, "but I've got to take off."
     "Why's that?" I asked him.  I had to admit, I was pretty disappointed.  So much for the Jockey Club.
     "It's George Bush, man," he said, shaking his head.  "It's all George Bush."

Fifty Shades of Funny

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