Hard Core Advice
From Hard Core’s Hardest Core...
John Leslie!
Dear John,
I'm worried about a close friend I have known for about ten years. She's well-educated, independent, and family-oriented. She has been online dating for quite a while and continually meets guys who have criminal backgrounds.
She dated one of them on the down low for two years because she was embarrassed by how he behaved in public. The most recent man served a 16-year prison sentence for being involved in a murder.
She tells me she doesn't see a future with any of them, but goes on multiple dates and defends them with, "He seems like a nice guy." In the next breath, she'll claim to want a meaningful relationship.
I have voiced my concerns. I asked her what she'd say to me if the tables were turned, and her responses mimic the concern I show her. I suggested she try a different website or mode of meeting potential partners.
I believe in second chances, up to a point, but now I'm genuinely worried for her safety.
Is there anything else I can do to convince her to have safer boundaries?
—Scared
Dear Scared,
No.
Dear John,
Is it normal for men to sulk or get angry when they don't get sex when they want it? I've been married to my husband for more than 30 years. I run several miles a day and, with all the work I do, I don't always feel like having sex. Lately, I have been under a lot of stress, so I haven't been in the mood.
The other night, he did his usual sulking. Then, as he often does, he tossed about in bed, repeatedly and roughly, while I was trying to sleep. The whole bed shook. Another night, he stuck his elbow in my ribs. "Foreplay," he called it.
Sometimes he'll grab my butt really hard while I'm trying to sleep--in the middle of the night, mind you. I end up having sex with him so he leaves me alone and I can sleep.
I have tried sleeping in another bed in another room, but he comes to that room and repeatedly kicks the mattress. If I lock the door, he kicks it. And kicks it, and kicks it, and kicks it, until I open it and have sex with him. I only do it so I can have some peace.
Do most men do this when they don't get sex?
—Sulking Spouse
Dear Sulking,
Yes.
Dear John,
I'm wondering how to deal with friends who take advantage of my big-box store memberships. It seems as if they are avoiding the cost of membership, while reaping the benefits at my time and expense. They either ask if I mind picking up a particular item for them ("I'll pay you later."), or if I will take them to the store personally so they can slowly meander up and down every aisle and carefully look at each item that catches their eye. My friends are well off financially, so I don't know why they're inconveniencing me.
Am I wrong to feel imposed upon?
—Imposed Upon
Dear Imposed,
Maybe.
Confidential to Urgent:
Whatever.
American Chimpanzee
@JimDuchene
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