Saturday, October 31, 2020

The Week In Tweets: Special Election 2020 Edition!

 Fake News Reports!  

About last night's debate...
If I wanted to see two old people argue, I'd go visit my parents.
  
FIVE Of Vice-President Mike Pence's Aides Have Tested POSITIVE For The Coronavirus!
Five aides and one fly.
  
San Francisco Becomes A National Leader In The Slowing Of Covid-19!
"And they said letting the homeless poop in the streets was a bad idea," a vindicated Nancy Pelosi babbles smugly.
  
Presidential Candidate Kamala Harris Reveals President Trump's Secret Plan To Suppress Democrat Voters By Leaving Banana Peels Outside Of Voting Booths For Them To Slip On!
  
Political Racist Don Lemon Admits On His CNN Show To Dumping Friends Whose Political Beliefs Don't Agree With His!
"Yeah, I'm that kind of guy," he sniffs.
  
Political Racist Chelsea Handler Brags To The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon On NBC That She Had To Remind Thug Rapper & Trump Supporter 50 Cent "That He Was Black"!
Thank God for whitey,
  
50 Cent... the Prince Harry of rap music.
  
Remember, America, trick-or-treaters for UNICEF will be collecting your mail-in ballots on Halloween.
  
The Country-Wide Cancellation Of Halloween Due To Coronavirus Concerns Derails Democrats' Plan To Hand Out Mail-In Ballots To Lucky Trick-Or-Treaters!
  
This Just In!
NFL Hall Of Famer Brett Favre ENDORSES Donald Trump!
"Well, that's just the push we needed," America's undecided voters declare.
  
The McRib Is Rolling Out NATIONALLY For The First Time In EIGHT Years In Anticipation Of President Donald Trump's Re-Election!
"Hey, we never said that," stammers McDonald's, nervously.
Look for it December 2nd.
  
Just In Time For Halloween!
Joe Biden reveals his Top Five FAVORITE scary movies:
5) Hmm...
4) What's that name again?
3) It's right there on the tip of my tongue.
2) Oh, yeah... it's
1) The 2020 presidential election.
  
FUTURE Fake News!
Biden WINS!
With nothing to report, CNN & MSNBC go out of business!
  
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
  
  
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
  

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