Fake News Reports!
The San Francisco Chronicle Reports On An Elderly Bay Area Couple Who Were Robbed By Their Caregiver!
“I didn’t steal from them,” the caregiver corrected. “In the interest of reparations, I took the liberty of redistributing their wealth.”
**********
I’m not saying my ex was a bad cook, but when she followed a recipe from the newspaper it was from the obituaries.
**********
I’m not saying my ex is a lush, but the only thing she knows how to fix is a martini.
**********
The Albuquerque Journal Reports That THREE Mayoral Candidates Will Debate On KOAT-TV!
“We’re giving you this heads up so you can make plans to watch something else.”
**********
I’m not saying my ex isn’t getting enough sleep, but the last time she was at the grocery store they asked her “Paper or plastic,” and she said, “Neither, I’ll just use the bags under my eyes.”
**********
I’m not saying my ex was a bad cook, but the only time something smelled good coming from the kitchen was when she wasn’t cooking.
**********
The Albuquerque Journal Reported That The New Mexico Treasurer Has Come To An Agreement With State Legislators In A Dispute Over $1.7 Billion In Federal Money!
“We’ve decided to split it,” they said.
**********
THIS JUST IN: Former President Bill Clinton Has Been Hospitalized For A “Non-Covid-Related” Infection!
“Don’t worry,” his personal physician assured him, “it’s nothing a shot of penicillin won’t clear up.”
**********
According To The Daily Mail UK, Queen Elizabeth Was Overheard Saying She Was “Irritated” By World Leaders Who “Talk, But Don’t DO” Concerning Climate Change!
And what have YOU done, your majesty?
“We’re not talking about me,” she sniffed.
**********
I thought my ex and I would grow old together, but she beat me to it.
**********
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at Desert Exposure Magazine
No comments:
Post a Comment