Saturday, October 9, 2021

The Week In Tweets: Special Nobel Prize Winning Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

    
I am honored to have just won the Nobel Prize for humor.
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Monday Was National Taco Day!
Somehow, it feels kind of wrong that it wasn’t on a Tuesday.
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I see Matt Damon is trending on Twitter!
What’s that goober done now?
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Experts Are Saying That Joe Biden’s Vaccine Mandate For Workers Is Supported By Legal Precedent!
Unfortunately, those legal precedents are in communist countries.
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The New York Times Reports That In Portugal There Is No One Left To Vaccinate!
“So we’re going to need something else to keep our people in line,” Vice Adm. Henrique Gouveia e Melo said.
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Albuquerque’s District 1 City Council Candidates All Agree That CRIME Is Their Number One Issue!
SOLVING crime comes in a distant last.
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The Journal Predicts A Quiet Weather Week For Albuquerque!
“Cloudy, with a chance of gunfire.”
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The Albuquerque Journal Reports That Speed Cameras Are Coming To It’s City’s Streets!
Judging by how many gun shootings they have, the City Council should consider metal detectors.
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I’m not saying my ex is old, but when she bought her first lotto ticket the prize was fire.
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2020:
 Joe Biden: “I don’t trust the vaccine.”
Kamala Harris: “I don’t trust the vaccine.”
Nancy Pelosi: “I don’t trust the vaccine.”
Adam Schiff: “I don’t trust the vaccine.”
Chuck Schumer: “I don’t trust the vaccine.”

2021:
“WHY DON’T YOU TRUST THE VACCINE?”
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Hollywood Elites Condemn The French Catholic Church For Sexually Abusing Children In A Way Formerly Reserved For Hollywood Elites!
“No one should do that,” Roman Polanski strongly affirmed from his hiding place in France, “except us.”
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When you were a kid, did you ever try digging a hole to China?
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Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
 
read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at Desert Exposure Magazine
 

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