The Week In Tweets: Special Too Many Funerals Edition!

 FAKE NEWS REPORTS!

Variety—Entertainment’s Premiere Newspaper—Reports That The Grammys Has Been Postponed Indefinitely!

Even the music industry is finally admitting there’s been no good music since Rock & Roll died.

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The Telegraph World News Is Reporting That American Polar Bears Are Migrating To RUSSIA!

Why?

“Free stuff, comrade,” a spokesman for the commie bears translated.

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The Washington Post Criticizes Joe Biden For Going To Too Many Funerals!

“But the food’s so good,” Biden insists between episodes of “Matlock.”

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San Francisco’s 645-Foot Tall, 58-Story Millennium Tower Has Been Tilting Over 3 Inches Per Year!

“We’re asking all our residents to stand on the other side of the building,” the luxury residential skyscraper’s management company says.

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San Francisco’s 645-Foot Tall, 58-Story Millennium Tower Has Been Tilting Over 3 Inches Per Year!

“Nothing a good earthquake can’t fix,,” California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi assures her constituents.

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Bloomberg QuickTake Reports Ex-Georgia Representative Stacey Abrams Ditched Joe Biden & Kamala Harris At Tuesday’s Events Devoted To Her Signature Issue Of Voting Rights Because…

“…once you get the stench of defeat on you, you can’t wash it off.”

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The Bloomberg QuickTake Reports That Joe Biden & Kamala Harris Visited The Grave Of Civil Rights Icon MLK On Their Tuesday Visit To Atlanta!

“Will I be getting cookies with my MLK?” Biden wanted to know.

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Bloomberg QuickTake Reports That China—Due To The Threat Of Omicron—Is Locking Down Millions Of Citizens In Several Cities In Preparation For Its Hosting Of The Upcoming Covid-Xi Olympics!

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I’m not saying lady’s panties have gotten skimpy, but I’ve seen more cotton inside an aspirin bottle.

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My ex bragged that her new husband has “the cutest little button nose.”

She had it buttoned to his bottom lip.

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Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at Desert Exposure Magazine

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