FAKE NEWS REPORTS!
Just saw HBO Max’s super-duper Harry Potter 20th Anniversary show WITHOUT JK Rowling.
Like The Tin Man, it was missing its heart.
**********
“GUILTY!” the judge said, and sentenced me to the electric chair.
“What should I do?” I asked my lawyer.
“Don’t sit down,” he said.
**********
The Telegraph Reports That British Jihadist Malik Faisal Akram—The Texas Synagogue Terrorist—Was Allowed To Enter The U.S. Despite Having A Series Of “Red Flag Warnings”!
Seems he correctly answered the most important question:
“Will you vote Democrat?”
“Yes.”
“Welcome to America.”
**********
The Bloomberg QuickTake Reports That North Korea Has Fired TWO MORE Missiles In It’s Aggressive 2022 Barrage!
“And who’s going to stop us?” portly dictator Kim Jong-Un wants to know. “Joe Biden? Don’t make me laugh. Ha, ha, ha. I SAID DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!”
**********
Texas’ Future Governor, Democrat Beto O'Rourke Has Raised $7.2 Million Since Declaring His Candidacy In November!
“You know PT Barnum’s saying about suckers?” the lanky politician asks. “It’s true.”
**********
Alabama Football Coach Nick Saban Adds His Name To A Letter Urging Joe Manchin To Federalize All Elections!
And what’s his opinion on China’s Uyghur genocide or their poisoning of Americans with Fentanyl?
“I don’t get into politics,” he says.
**********
In Preparation For The Olympics China Arrests Its Activists And Warns Foreign Athletes Not To Publicly Criticize Its Inhumane Policies!
“That seems reasonable,” LeBron James says, checking his bank statement.
**********
I’m not saying traffic was heavy, but when I pressed in the cigarette lighter, the lady in the car in front of me had me arrested!
**********
Bloomberg Opinion Goes Out Of It’s Way To Discourage Americans From Getting Married!
Funny, but you would think knowing married people would be enough to discourage Americans from getting married.
**********
I’m not fat.
I’m just six inches too short.
**********
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at
Desert Exposure Magazine
No comments:
Post a Comment