The Week In Tweets: Special Are You A Narcissist? Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

  

I like going to the shoe store. It’s the only place I’m considered a 10.

*********

  While Acknowledging “The Lord Will Say” When It’s Time, Pope Francis Tells Reporters He May Step Down Due To Health Issues.

   “It’s exhausting being waited on hand and foot,” he explains.

*********

  Despite A Threat From China That There Would Be “Resolute And Strong Measures” Should Democrat Nancy Pelosi Visit Taiwan, The House Speaker Did So Anyway!

   “I really needed a new maid,” she explained.

*********

  Under Pressure From The Woke, Beyoncé Confirms She Will Remove An Ableist Slur From Her 7th Studio Album “Renaissance”!

  “But let me assure my fans,” she said, assuring her fans, “that I’ll continue to refer to women as ‘bitches’ and ‘hoes’ and call blacks the N-word.”

*********

  Scientists Bring Dead Pig Organs Back To Life!

   “Next, we’ll work on Bob Dylan.”

*********

  A Russian Court Has Sentenced WNBA’s Brittney Griner To NINE Years In Prison For Drug Possession!

   In a related story, Vladimir Putin has revealed his 9 year plan to start his own woman’s basketball league.

*********

  In An Interview With The Telegraph, Singer/Songwriter Robbie Williams Revealed “I Did An Online Test To See If I Was A Narcissist”!

   You know what’s the #1 thing you can do to find out if you’re a narcissist?

   Taking a test to see if you’re a narcissist.

*********

  According To The Albuquerque Journal, The State Of New Mexico Is Ramping Up Their Push To Vaccinate NM Residents Against The Dreaded Monkeypox!

   “But I’m not in the high-risk group.”

   JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE THE VACCINE!

 

#SpankTheMonkeyBeatThePox

*********

  John Leguizamo Throws An Instagram Hissy Fit Over The Casting Of James Franco As Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro In The Independent Film “Alina of Cuba”!

   Calm down, John.

   You weren’t getting the part anyway.

*********

  John Leguizamo SLAMS Hollywood For Casting James Franco As Fidel Castro In The Independent Film “Alina of Cuba”!

  “I don’t got a [problem] with Franco” the diminutive Colombian whined, “but he ain’t Latino!”

  John, you do know Franco is a common surname that originated in Spain, don’t you?

   “Boy, am I stupid or what?”

   You really want me to answer that?

*********

Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent

read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure.com