Thursday, August 11, 2022

The Week In Tweets: Special The Next Pandemic Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

  

Insomnia is God’s way of telling me I’m not done fighting with my wife.

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After Nine Months, Kim Kardashian And Pete Davidson Have Called It Quits!

   “I’ll NEVER get the smell out of my house,” the reality star laments.

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In An Albuquerque Journal Update, Prosecutors In New Mexico Are Awaiting The Results Of The Forensics In The Fatal Film-Set Shooting Of Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins By Alec Baldwin Before They Can Let The Hollywood Star Off With A Slap On The Wrist!

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Joe Biden Has Finally Tested NEGATIVE After Several Recurring Bouts Of COVID-Xi, Dr. Kevin C. O’Connor Announced Today.

   “The President continues to feel very well,” the White House physician said, “and looks forward to his next recurrence.”

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Deadly Lighting Strike In Washington DC Kills 3, Injures 4–All Democrats!

   It’s official:

   God’s picked a side.

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Jimmy Wales Tells Gizmodo How The Internet Has Changed Since He Co-Founded Wikipedia In 2001!

   “Who knew back then we’d be shilling for a failing administration by changing the definition of a word then locking the page so no one can correct it?”

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The El Paso Times Tells You “Why You Should Prepare Now To Vote In The Nov. 8 Midterm Elections”!

   “Because you’re stupid.”

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Republican Senator Tim Scott Says We Should Wait And See If Anything Comes From The FBI’s Raid On President Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Home!

   “We should let it play out,” he advised. “And it has nothing to do with me running for president in 2024.”

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The New Langya Virus (First Detected In Late 2018) Has Infected 35 People In China!

   You know, maybe China should get out of the studying viruses business.

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Thirty-Five People In Eastern China Have Been Infected By The Deadly Langya Virus! 

   Scientists tell us that so far there is no evidence that it can transmit between humans.

   You know, how ‘bout we just assume that it can.

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Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent


read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure.com

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