Saturday, September 3, 2022

The Week In Tweets: Special The Next Choice Edition!

 Fake News Reports!


Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure beats being broke.

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NPR Tells Us Three Ways Biden’s Inflation Reduction Act Will Pay Us To Combat Climate Change!

   PAY us?

   Can that really be true, NPR?

   “HA! GOT’CHA!”

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After Being Paid 8 Million Dollars, Bryce Dallas Howard Complains To Hollywood Entertainment Rag Variety That She Made “So Much Less” Money Than Chris Pratt On The Jurassic World Sequels!

   Oh, honey… nobody’s seeing movies because YOU’RE in them.

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Meghan Markle & The Royal Formally Known As Prince Harry Are Scheduled To Return To The UK In September!

   “And that old bag better not give us any crap about lending us money,” the red-headed Mr. Markle pronounced.

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Last Month, While Performing On Stage In Her Long-Delayed Chromatica Ball, Lady Gaga Was Hit On The Head By Something From The Audience!

   “It was an accident,” explains a contrite Ron Jeremy from the third row.

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According To Nature Portfolio, Some Physicists Suggest A Long-Running Discrepancy Of A Two-Decade-Long Experiment That Claimed To Collect Dark Matter Particles May Be Due To Analysis Error!

   “We analyzed our bank account and determined we liked the money.”

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German International Broadcaster Deutsche Welle (DW) Reports That Brazilian Presidential Campaigns Have Officially Launched Prior To October 2nd Elections!

   Um, remind me again… how many is a brazilian?

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Bestselling Horror Author Stephen King Laments On Twitter Of CNN’s Cancelling Of “Reliable Sources” And Their Firing Of That Program’s Host Brian Stelter!

   It’s “the one show… I never missed.”

   Well, that explains a lot.

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I tell my wife she has it all.

   All the cooking.

   All the cleaning.

   And all the child-raising.

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When you go camping, if you hang your food out of a bear’s reach, what do you think its next choice will be?

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Jim Duchene

Fake News Chief Correspondent


read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at

Desert Exposure Magazine

desertexposure.com

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