Saturday, April 30, 2011

An Illegal Driveway

It was purely by accident that I witnessed the alleged assault of Socorro's alleged City Rep. Jesse Gandara's alleged hand by an alleged Sheriff's Office detective.  I use the word "alleged" because it seems the trendy thing to do these days.  I was walking my dog near Vineyard and Muscat roads and paused for a few seconds in front of Gandara's home when a car with three Sheriff's detectives screeched to a halt in front of me.
     "Honest, officers," I told them as they aggressively jumped out of their car.  "I'm gonna pick it up, I swear!"  But they ignored me.  Instead they quickly began conducting their crucial invwestigation of the City Rep.'s driveway.  First they advised the driveway of its right to remain silent, and then they went to work measuring it, or at least they would have, but they couldn't decide from where to begin measuring.  Like I said, there were three of them.  The one who seemed in charge had an interesting bowl-cut hairstyle that accentuated his hard features.  He wanted to measure from the street.  The second detective had a wild tumbleweed of red hair growing out from the sides of his head.  He wanted to measure from the sidewalk.  The last detective's head was fashionably bald.  He wanted to measure from the edge of the sidewalk closest to the house.  This resulted in much arguing, with the head detective constantly hitting the other two on their heads and poking them in their eyes with his two fingers.
     It was at this point that Jesse came out of his house with a digital camera.  Here's a transcript of what was said:
     Gandara:  "Hey!  What are you doing?"
     Head Detective:  "Hey!  What are you doing?"
     "I asked you first!"
     "I asked you first!"
     "Stop it!"
     "Stop what?"
     "Stop repeating everything I say!"
     "Stop repeating everything I say!"
     "I said stop it, you meanie!"
     "I know you are, but what am I?"
     "You better shut up, stupidhead!"
     "Nanny nanny boo boo!"
     "I'm rubber, you're glue.  Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"
     "No, it doesn't!"
     "Yes, it does!"
     "No, it doesn't!"
     "Yes, it does!"
     The hand injury occurred when Gandara double-dog dared the detective in charge to pull his finger.  This incident is being investigated by the Socorro Police Department.  Sheriff Wiles has said that he was concerned about the fairness of the investigation.
     "You know those law-enforcement types," he observed.

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