Saturday, April 30, 2011

The White House Easter Egg Hunt

It was an honor to be invited to the White House's annual Easter egg hunt.
     Once there my kids immediately began running and jumping across the beautiful lawn.  We were ready for a good time.  I walked over to grab myself something to drink and ran into my old friend, Barack Obama.  The man who once saved my life in 'Nam.
     "Jim," he greeted me.  "I'm glad you made it.  Can I get you something?  Bartender, water for both of us."
     Water?  That's it?  I couldn't believe it.  Disbelief became shock when I saw the bartender fill our glasses from a waterhose.
     "Don't blame me," Obama said.  "Blame the economy.  Eveybody's cutting back."
     I could smell something delicious in the air, so all was forgiven.  I didn't know what they were grilling, but I sure wanted some.  That is, until I saw what it was.
     "Baloney?"  I complained to the President.  "You're serving baloney?"
     "Don't blame me.  Blame George Bush.  He left us nothing but debts and deficits.  I'm trying hard to turn things around, but no matter how much money I borrow or spend I can't get our fiscal house in order."
     Fortunately, it was time for the egg hunt.  The kids lined up excitedly at the starting line.  As the President happily began his count down, his wife, Michelle, cut him off.
     "I'll do it," she informed him.
     I looked around.  I could see that some of the eggs would be more easily found than others.  Aw, who am I kidding?  They were all out in the open.  This was because the White House wanted an even playing field.  They didn't want one child to have an advantage over another by virtue of their ability or intellect.
     "Look, dad!  I found an egg!" my daughter yelled.  She opened it.  "Hey, it's empty!"
     "Of course it is," Obama told her.  "They're all empty.  Don't blame me.  Blame the Tea Party.  God forbid we should spend any money on filling the Easter eggs with candy or toys."
     By this time I was growing pretty discouraged with the whole affair.  I looked over to where the children should have been taking pictures with the Easter Bunny.  Only there was no Easter Bunny.  Just a cardboard cutout of President Obama with bunny ears taped to his head.  Not one child wanted to go near it.  They had to be coerced or bribed.  Just like Congress.
     The celebration, if you could call it that, finally started winding down.  Obama shook hands with each of us as we left, and his wife handed out Easter baskets to the kids.
     They were empty, too.
     "Don't blame me," Obama apologized.  "Blame the Republicans.  After the last budget deal there's barely enough money to get me to my next fund raiser."

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