Sunday, February 26, 2012

Obama's Nobel "Piece" Prize

In the spirit of the President Day's holiday that just passed, I'd like to thank the Norwegian Nobel Committee for having once awarded me the Nobel Peace Prize.  I didn't deserve it, but I accepted it, none the less. 
     Lest you think I'm being critical of President Obama's honor of a few years ago, let me assure you that's not the case.  I side with Bill O'Really, who felt that President Obama's--the man who once saved my life in 'Nam--winning of the Nobel Peace Prize was good for America, and I'm all for what's good for America.  But, let's face it, the deadline for the Norwegian Nobel's Committee's nominations was February 1st.  Obama was sworn in on January 20th.  That was just eleven days, and no one in any kind of authority has been able to accomplish anything so quickly since God created the universe in six. 
     No, the reason Obama won was because he wasn't George Bush.  So, in essence, all of America deserved to share a piece of that award, because none of us are George Bush, either.  So, with logic like that, I humbly and with sincere gratitude accepted my portion of the award.
     I'd also like to point out that not being George Bush has benefited me in other ways as well.  The other day I called in to where I work and asked for the day off with pay.  When my boss told me "no," I told him: 
     "But I'm not George Bush."
     "No, I guess you're not," he replied, mulling it over.
     "Okay, take the day off."
     "With pay?"
     "With pay.
     Wow, what a break!  I wondered what else not being George Bush could score for me.  I walked into my bank, and asked for some cold, hard cash.
     "Sir," the vice-president informed me, "we're not in the business of just handing out money to anyone who comes in off the street and asks for it."
     "But you don't understand," I told him, "I'm not George Bush."
     "Well, since you put it that way."  He handed me a big, white bag with the dollar sign printed on the side of it.  "Here, take as much as you want."
     "Gee, thanks."
     I took ALL of it.
    That was so cool.  It was late afternoon now, and I was getting pretty hungry, so I stopped at Chico's Tacos and ordered two double-orders of rolled tacos with extra cheese, a cheeseburger, side of fries, and, of course, a diet soda because I'm watching my weight.  Before they could ring it all up, I informed the cashier:  "You probably haven't notice, but I'm not George Bush."
     It worked.  Who says there's no such thing as a free lunch?
     This not being George Bush is a great scam.  Just last night I was feeling pretty frisky, so I came to bed and told my wife:  "Hi, sweetie.  You look very beautiful tonight."
     "I've got a headache," she said, flatly.
     "But I'm not George Bush!"
     "Yeah, well, you're not Brad Pitt, either."
     It was worth a shot.

Fifty Shades of Funny

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