Saturday, May 5, 2012

Hallmark Cards by Obama (Part One)

President Obama--the man who once saved my life in 'Nam--understands that the public is getting sick and tired of speeches that sound good, but, ultimately, accomplish nothing.  So he's come up with a fool-proof plan for winning a second term as President in the upcoming November elections.  He's sending specially created Hallmark Cards to every registered voter.  Even the ones who are here illegally.
     The cards will have a thoughtful picture of our Commander in Chief on the cover, and a confidence-building saying on the inside.  For example, on one card you'll see Obama looking wistfully out into the distance, toward the future, with that drunk-eyes-focusing-on-nothing look.
     "Let's All Work For A Better Tomorrow..." the front cover will say.  On the inside the punchline will be:  "Because The Harder You Work, The Better I Look."
     Another card would show President Obama running in a field of daisies.  The front cover will say:  "The Sun Is One Thing You Can Count On Rising Every Day."  On the inside:  "Just Like The Price Of Gasoline."
     Here are some more examples:

Outside:  "Let's Tax The Rich..."
Inside:  "So The Price Of Everything Can Go Up."

Outside:  "If You're Gonna Dream, Dream Big..."
Inside:  "Just Don't Come Crying To Me When Your Dreams Don't Come True."

Outside:  "Only In America..."
Inside:  "Are You Rewarded For Failure, And Punished For Success."

Outside:  "We're Partners, You And I..."
Inside:  "So Give Me All Your Money... Partner!"

Outside:  "So Much Left To Do..."
Inside:  "So Many Vacations Left To Take."

Outside:  "I See A Better Tomorrow..."
Inside:  "But Don't Hold Me To That."

Outside:  "All My Hopes And Dreams..."
Inside:  "Don't Have A Snowball's Chance In Hell Of Passing."

Outside:  "A Prosperous Future..."
Inside:  "Would Sure Be Nice."

Outside:  "A Second Term..."
Inside:  "A Guy Can Dream, Can't He?"

Outside:  "We'll See..."
Inside:  "We'll See."

Outside:  "A Strong America..."
Inside:  "Is Something We're Never Going To See Again, Are We?"

Outside:  "Let's Face It..."
Inside:  "We're Screwed."

Outside:  "You've Gotta Vote For Somebody..."
Inside:  "It Might As Well Be Me."

Outside:  "A Strong Economy Is Just Around The Corner..."
Inside:  "Then Again, You Never Know."

Outside:  "Success!"
Inside:  "If We Redefine The Meaning Of The Word."

     The purpose of these Hallmark Cards is to prepare the Amercian people for a future of "more of the same" no matter who we elect. 
     Let's face it, whether we vote in a Democrat or a Republican, everything's going to stay the same.  Nothing's going to change.  The price of gasoline is still going to go higher.  The American economy is still going to hobble along, until something happens in the private sector to stimulate it.  We're still going to send our troops to fight in foreign countries with explicit orders not win, and if any of those troops come back injured, we're still going to short-change them out of any medical benefits they've earned, while Congress continues to enjoy the best medical insurance coverage in the world. 
     Our politicians will continue to take care of their own, and the American taxpayer will continue to get stuck with the bill.  But if you put it in a card...
     It makes it easier to take.
Fifty Shades of Funny

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