Saturday, May 5, 2012

Celebrity Jeopardy: Washington DC

"Welcome to Final Jeopardy!" said a well-groomed Alex Trebek.
     It was the last few minutes of a special political edition of the television game-show, Celebrity Jeopardy.  The handsome host's special celebrity guests were Mayor John Cook of the city of El Paso, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, and President Barack Obama of the United States of America.
     The answer to the Final Jeopardy question was:  "What most economists agree to do in order to get out of a recession, stimulate the economy, and encourage business and job growth."
     Alex Trebek turned his blindingly white smile to his first contestant.
     "Mayor Cook, will you show us your answer please? 'What is raising property taxes?'  Sorry, but that is incorrect, and it seems you unwisely wagered your entire winnings of $24.  Too bad, and, no, I do not wish to hear your rendition of the song El Paso by Marty Robbins.  I said no, Mr. Mayor, so please put away your guitar.  I said put away your guitar!  Security!"
     As Jeopardy's security force came on-stage to help Mayor Cook into a white coat with very long arms that tie in the back, Alex turned his attention to hs next special contestant.
     "And, Mr. Romney, how did you answer?  'What is President Obama's a nice guy, but vote for me?'  No, I'm afraid that is also incorrect.  I see that you, too, have foolishly wagered the entire amount of your winnings, leaving you with a final total of zero.  Good luck in November, Mitt.  By the way, what kind of a name is 'Mitt'?  It's your given name?  Well, give it back.  Ha, ha!"
     Alex beamed as he faced his final contestant.
     "Mr. President, I must say that it was indeed a pleasure to have you on this special political edition of Celebrity Jeopardy.  I'm so glad you could fit us in between your other televison appearances:  Storage Wars and Queer Eye For The Straight Guy."
     "The pleasure was all mine, Alex," said a cool and confident President Obama.
     "I see that you have done quite well with a possible winning total of $50,000.  I don't see how you can possibly lose, so let's see how you answered."
     "I answered:  Borrow Money From The Chinese."
     Alex Trebek's composure fell faster than Bill Clinton's pants at the Miss Arkansas pageant.
     "Humma-humma-humma..." he stammered.  "I'm afraid that is incorrect, and it's not even in the form of a question, for that matter.  Well, all is not lost.  Let's see how much you wagered."
     "I wagered seventeen trillion dollars," the President said as he smiled his winningest smile.
     "Seventeen trillion dollars?  Are you insane, Mr. President?  That is well beyond what you won here today, Mr. President.  In fact, you now owe us $16,999,999,950,000!  How will you ever pay it?"
     President Obama flashed a sly smile at the cameras as he answered in question form.
     "What is raising taxes?"

Fifty Shades of Funny

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