Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Dear John: Special Not-About-The-Olympics Edition

Hard-Core Advice From
Hard-Core's Hardest Core...
John Leslie!
Dear John,
     I'm never happy with one partner. It's not that I want to have a different man every night of the week--although I do--I just like a variety.
     I'm currently in a relationship where seeing other men is okay with my boyfriend, but now he's asking me why I feel the way I do and wants us to be monogamous. Yuck! I just crave something different, and want whatever the next man has.
     Trust me, I've had my share of men, but I've never found that one person who has it all. Am I doomed to stay single and noncommittal forever?
Dear Fickle,
YOU'RE not the problem, the world's the problem. In polite society, you're what one would call a skank. Constantly judged and made to feel like a freak. Whereas, in the adult film industry you would just be "one of the girls."
Quit trying to let the civilized world put it's square peg into your round hole.
Dear John,
     I am 25 and my husband is 50. We have been happily married for 3 years. But sometimes I find myself worrying about his age. I cry when I think about living the last half of my life alone, because I don't think I could ever love anyone else as strongly as I do him. My husband is my rock, my reason for living, and I'm grateful for every moment we have.
     I'm psychologically well other wise, and these sad feelings don't last longer than a few hours, but... is this normal?
Dear Wondering,
You just need to learn to not worry about your husband dying, which, at HIS age, will probably be tomorrow.
Dear John,
     My girlfriend loses EVERYTHING! Her keys, her wallet, her credit cards... even her car!
     I have suggested ways to avoid losing her keys. For example, always use the same pocket in her purse or put them in a bowl by the door. She doesn't do it, and I think it's just to spite me, because, yes, the world DOES revolve around me.
     She's resentful that I have become impatient about it, I'm frustrated because this is something that can easily be fixed, and we're BOTH tired of searching every 20 minutes for something she's lost.
     What can I do?
Dear Frustrated,
Tell me about it. I lost my virginity at 14, and I haven't seen it since.
Confidential to Curious
As a matter of fact, yes. If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, it DOES make a sound.
American Chimpanzee

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