We were in Mexico for two weeks. My wife and I considered this vacation our official honeymoon s ince we never went on a proper one when we jumped the broom 25 years ago . The first week we spent at an exclusive resort in Cancun called Krystal. It was all-inclusive, meaning the food, the drinks, the female companionship was already paid for. I'm kidding about the female companionship part. At least if my wife is reading this. As we entered the resort, the first person who came up to us was a guy selling timeshares. I tell my kids when someone you don’t know walks up to you with a smile on their face they want to sell you something, and this guy had a BIG smile on his face. He was young, with movie-star good looks, so I took a picture of him schmoozing my wife and her cousin Laura and sent it to my youngest daughter ...
"You're a man of Faith, aren't you, Governor Perry?" "Yes, I am. I've read the Bible 14 times, and when I get to the part where Jesus builds the ark and saves all the animals, I find that incredibly inspiring." "Uh, it was Noah who built the ark." "What?" "It was Noah who built the ark." "Are you saying I'm wrong? I'm not wrong, I'm the man! And you'll notice that Jesus didn't save the unicorns. That's because unicorns have horns... the devil has horns... I don't think I need to spell it out for you." "Do you feel, then, that your political career has been more of a calling than a choice?" "Let me put it this way: I've never lost an election. Never. I give all credit to my Lord and God, Yahtzee." "Uh...
I was at a funeral recently. At my age I've come to terms with it being something I'm going to have to do more often. That is, up until the final one. After that, I'm sure my wife will let me off the hook. When I was single I'd avoid them altogether by pretending to forget. "You mean it was this Wednesday?" You see a lot of people you haven't seen in years when you go to funerals. That's part of the problem. I'd rather remember my relatives when they were younger and not so close to death. If they look old, then I’d better take off my glasses before I look in the mirror. At a different event, a high school friend who I hadn't seen since, well, high school, told me, “You haven’t changed a bit. You still look the same.” “You mean I’ve always looked this old?” I asked. I guess my granddaughter saying I looked like the geezer from Home Alone has been on my mind more than I would care to admit. Speaking of my granddaughter… I was in my bedr...
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