Saturday, August 20, 2011

If We Say It, It Must Be True

Everybody in El Paso whines, cries, and complains, but, in the end, no one ever does anything.  We're all waiting for Superman to show up and save us.  But it's like I tell my kids:  "If you're waiting for a superhero to solve your problems, then you're gonna be waiting for a very long time."
     Yeah, my kids don't know what the heck I'm talking about, either.
     Whether it's Men's Health Magazine calling us the fattest this or our own state governor calling us the most dangerous that, we always seem to find ourselves being defined by the ignorance of others.  If ignorance is bliss, then El Paso is truly blessed.
     Most recently, we've had Andrew Rice, who, I believe, is the illicit love child of Andrew Lloyd Weber and his former lyricist Tim Rice, writing an article about El Paso for the New York Times, and, basically, calling us a third world nation joined precariously at the hip to a city known for its drugs, violence, and corruption.  Yet what have we done to change perceptions and opinions?  Nothing.
     I once stiffed a waiter in Las Cruces because he made a disparaging comment about El Paso.  I didn't confront him when he said it, because I have an aversion to people spitting in my food, but when the time came to leave him a tip, I left him two cents and the advice:  "Don't insult your customers."  Sure, I would have left him a crappy tip anyway--because I'm cheap--but still... he made me mad.
     My point is this:  I took someone who had a negative opinion about our fair city, and I changed that opinion.
     I made it worse.
     Like Obama with the economy.
     So, what's the answer?  I believe the answer is that we should do what the Bush Crime Family did when they were in office.  That is, come up with our own positive news stories about El Paso, and distribute them to the rest of the media.  The news media is so hungry for product they'll report anything.  They tend to shoot first, and verify the facts later.
What's the number one vacation destination in the world?  El Paso!
Where did Kim Kardashian spend her honeymoon?  El Paso!
Where do businesses not only succeed, but thrive?  El Paso!
Where will Brad and Angelina adopt their next baby du jour?  El Paso!
The U.S. borrows money from China, but who lends money to China?  El Paso!
Where do the richest, thinnist, sexiest people live?  El Paso, El Paso, El Paso!
     And each news outlet will choose the story that best supports its agenda and run with it.
     Trust me, by the time the media gets around to verifying these stories, they'll be too embarrassed to admit they were duped.
Fifty Shades of Funny

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