Saturday, August 6, 2011

Perception Is Reality

I once told Abraham Lincoln:  "Y'know, Abe, you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time."
     "Y'know, Jim," he answered back, "I like those odds."
     So when various sources call El Paso the fattest this or the ugliest that, I feel that one way to combat this negative press is by promoting El Paso with something positive.  Being the nation's safest city is a start, but I think we need to go further than that, and by further I mean stretching the truth a bit.
     It's like I told Adolph Hitler:  "Y'know, Adolph, if you tell the same lie often enough it becomes the truth."
El Paso!  The Only City To Win The Nobel Peace Prize!  This isn't exactly a lie.  Even President Obama admitted in his first acceptance speech that his Peace Prize was actually won by the American people*, and El Paso is American.  Except for those of us who aren't.

El Paso!  Where You'll Never Have To Work Another Day Again In Your Life!  And if the Democrats have their way that will fast become the truth nationwide, so we should be the first to capitalize on it.

El Paso!  Where You'll Become Healthy, Wealthy, And Wise!  Assuming, of course, that you're early to bed and early to rise.

El Paso!  See Where The Declaration Of Independence Was Signed!  Really, you should go see where it was signed.

El Paso!  Where The Streets Are Paved With Gold!  Okay, so this one is an out and out lie, but I'll say what I have to say to get people here, and by the time they discover it's not true, it's too late.  Suckers.

Sex Is Better In El Paso!  I just threw that in there because it's true.

     We can even do this with the Sun Bowl, 'cause, Lord knows, the Sun Bowl doesn't seem to get a whole lot of respect around the country, especially around Sun Bowl time.

The Sun Bowl!  The Super Bowl Of College Football!

The Sun Bowl!  The Greatest College Football Game In The World!

The Sun Bowl!  Where The Two Best College Teams In The Universe Battle For Supremecy!

The Sun Bowl!  Losers Will Be Shot!

The Sun Bowl!  Who Can Ever Forget In 1929 When...  Well, I Forget Who Played Or What Happened, But I'm Sure It Was Great!

Sex Is Better At The Sun Bowl!

     Will the public buy it?  Who cares?  It's like I once told my dear friend, P.T. Barnum:  "Y'know, P.T., there's a sucker born every minute."
     "Y'know, Jim," he answered back, "I like those odds."

*And if he didn't, then he should have.
Fifty Shades of Funny

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