Saturday, April 7, 2012

Easter At The White House

It was an honor to be invited to the White House's annual Easter egg hunt.  Once there, my kids immediately began running and jumping across the beautiful lawn.  We were ready for a good time.
     I walked over to grab something to drink and ran into my old friend, Barack Obama.  The man who once saved my life in 'Nam.
     "Mr. President," I said, respectfully.
     "Jim," the President greeted me warmly, "I'm glad you made it.  Can I get you something?  Bartender, water.  For both of us."
     "Yes, sir," Vice-President Biden said.
     Water?  That was it?  I couldn't believe it.  Disbelief became shock when I saw the bartender fill our glasses from the water hose.
     President Obama could see the surprise on my face.
     "Blame the economy," he explained.  "Everybody's cutting back."
     I could smell something delicious in the air, so all was forgiven.  I didn't know what they were grilling, but I sure wanted some.  That is, until I saw what it was.
     "Baloney?"  I complained to the President.  "You're serving baloney?"
     "Blame George Bush.  He left us with nothing but debts and deficits.  I'm trying hard to turn things around, especially with my re-election coming up, but no matter how much money I spend I just can't seem to get our fiscal house in order."
     Fortunately, it was time for the egg hunt.  The kids all lined up excitedly at the starting line.  After they were frisked by moonlighting TSA agents--a little too enthusiastically in my opinion--the President was ready to begin the countdown.
     However, his wife elbowed him out of the way.
     "I'll do it," Michelle told him.
     I looked around.  I could see that some of the eggs would be more easily found than others.  Aw, who am I kidding?  They were all out in the open!  I was told later that this was because the White House wanted an even playing field.  They didn't want one child to have an unfair advantage over another by virtue of their ability or intellect.
     "Look, dad!  I found an egg!" my daughter yelled, excitedy.  She opened it.  "Hey, it's empty!"
     "Of course it is," Obama explained.  "They're all empty.  Blame the Tea Party.  Gosh forbid we should spend any of the taxpayer's hard-earned money filling Easter eggs with candy."
     By this time I was growing pretty discouraged with the whole affair.  I looked over to where the children should have been able to take their pictures with a real, live Easter Bunny, only there was no Easter Bunny.  Only a cardboard cutout of Secretary of State Hilary Clinton with some bunny ears taped to her head.  Not one child wanted to go near it.  They had to be bribed or coerced.  Just like Congress.
     The celebration, if you could call it that, finally started to wind down.  Obama shook hands with each and every one of us as we left.
     "Vote early and often," he joked.  "It's the Chicago way."
     The First Lady had a big smile on her face as she handed out Easter baskets to the departing kiddies.
     They were empty, too.
     "Sorry," Obama apologized.  "Blame the Republicans.  After the last budget deal, I barely have enough money left for Michelle's next vacation."

Fifty Shades of Funny

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