Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Dear John (3-27-13)

Hard Core Advice From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie

Dear John,
     My brother just got engaged. He and his girlfriend have two kids. Usually, this is a happy time for families, but eight months ago, my brother's fiancee cheated on him.
     At that time, my brother decided to keep his family together and work things out, which I greatly admire, but I just found out that his fiancee is still talking, emailing, and texting the guy she cheated with. My brother still wants the wedding to go on, and wants the rest of us to mind our own business.
     I really think this is a bad decision for my brother. I worry his girlfriend will continue to cheat and hurt him over and over again. Do I say something, or keep my mouth shut?

Dear Hurting,
     There is an old saying in our industry: If you keep your mouth shut... you won't make any money.
     You're welcome.

Dear John,
     I am a ninety year-old widow who parted ways with my first love well over half a century ago. Out only contact was five years ago when I mailed some nude photographs of myself that he had requested.
     I will be traveling to the city where he lives in April. While I am eager to see him, I am not sure this would be proper, even though my intentions are only to catch up with an old friend whom I once cared for greatly.
     Should I invite him for lunch, or should I simply just have sex with him.

Dear Perplexed,
     They say that it is normal for people to continue having sex well into their nineties. I've seen ninety year-olds. I don't think I'll be having any sex.

Dear John,
     I have a family gathering coming up. Like the rest of the country, we are plagued by many upper respiratory viruses, such as the flu. How do I politely refuse handshakes, hugs, and kisses?
     I thought of holding my hands behind my back, but that seems standoffish. Should I wear a sign around my neck? If so, what should it say?
     Everyone knows that I am a health care professional, but they may not be aware of how viruses are spread. Can you help me?

Dear Concerned,
     Since everyone knows you're a health care professional, just let it slip that you work at an AIDS hospice. The rest will take care of itself.

Dear John,
     Yesterday, I attended the funeral of a dear friend. I was appalled when someone's cellphone began ringing. Not only did this person answer it and carry on a conversation during the service, but this happened several times.
     I think funeral homes should post signs telling attendees to turn off their cellphones during visitation hours and for the duration of the service. If someone cannot pay the proper respect, then they should not come.
     They can send flowers or cash.

Dear Irritated,
     I completely agr... RING! Excuse me, this might be important, I better answer it.

American Chimpanzee

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