Monday, May 13, 2013

20 Signs Your Divorce Lawyer Isn't Working Out

1) When you ask him which law school he went to, he tells you, "Law school, schmaw school."
2) When you show him a picture of your wife, he asks to borrow it, and then spends the next half hour in the bathroom with it.
3) He picks the jury using "Eenie, meenie, miney, mo."
4) He keeps updating his Facebook during the trial.
5) He really believes Elvis is still alive.
6) Every time your wife walks into the courtroom, he goes, "Man, I'd sure like some of that."
7) He keeps borrowing five bucks from you "for lunch."
8) That white powder under his nose? Well, it's not from eating a powdered donut.
9) You look over at the legal pad he keeps writing on, and it's a drawing of your wife.
10) He confides in you, "Man, I sure hope the judge doesn't remember I slept with his wife.
11) Bad News: He has nine different personalities.  Good News: One of them thinks you're cute...
12) ...and keeps playing "footsies" with you under the table.
13) He keeps asking you to set him up with your wife.
14) His mother is in the courtroom to cheer her baby on.
15) He hides behind you whenever he sees a cop.
16) He keeps throwing fingers at the judge.
17) He tells you to wake him up "if something important happens."
18) He can't explain the blood on his hands.
19) He has to leave court early, because "I have a hot date."
20) He shows up to court with lipstick on his collar. Your wife's!
American Chimpanzee

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