Friday, August 18, 2017

The Week In El Paso Tweets

This Just In!
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"El Paso is a poor county," they said. "We want to keep it that way."
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"The poorer you get," they explained, "the richer we look."
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"How can we waste your money, if we don't get our hands on it first?"
 
  El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"We'd like to assure every El Paso taxpayer," they said, "that we just don't care."
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
Politicians go into office poor and leave rich.
Now you know why.
 
Will El Paso County commissioners raise taxes 8%?
"It depends on who gives us the most envelopes with something green stuffed inside," they say.
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"That's a lot of corn chips, amigo," the Frito Bandito commented from obscurity.
   
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"We'd like to say one thing to the over-burdened El Paso taxpayer: F... you!"
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"We'll listen to reason," they assure El Paso taxpayers, "as long as reason has nothing to say."
 
El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%!
"Trust us," they grin vampire-like. "We went to the L Ron Hubbard school of finance."
 
This Just In!
 
El Paso Electric raises rates and sees profits soar!
"That," says a spokesman, "is due to vision, leadership... and raising your rates to unprecedented levels."
 
El Paso Electric raises rates and sees profits soar!
"I don't know why no one's ever thought of this before," said a spokesman.
 
El Paso Electric raises rates and sees profits soar!
"That," a spokesman commented, "is why our company's motto is:
'The More We Take, The More We Make.'"
 
El Paso Electric raises rates and sees profits soar!
"Customers," a spokesman said, "are the foundation with which we line our wallets."
 
El Paso Electric raises rates and sees profits soar!
"Every business needs loyal customers they can bilk out of all their cash."
 
El Paso Electric raises rates and sees profits soar!
Why must rates be so high?
"Because bribing politicians is so expensive," a spokesman said.
 
 
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