Fake News Reports!
The Tom Petty Estate Issues A Cease & Desist Order Over The Trump Campaign's Use Of The Song "I Won't Back Down"!
"We would hate for fans... to think we were complicit in this usage," his family explains.
"Who's Tom Petty?" the George Floyd protestors ask.
Attorney General William Barr Fails To Oust Geoffrey Berman Who Is Investigating President Trump's Allies!
Why are you investigating President Trump's allies?
"Because they're Trump's allies," he says very reasonably.
This Just In!
Prosecutor Geoffrey Berman QUITS!
Hey, Berman.
Why did you just make a liar out of me?
"It's what I do."
Why Did CHAZ (Capital Hill Autonomous Zone) Change Its Name To CHOP (Capital Hill Organized Protest)?
"Because no one knew what 'autonomous' meant."
Concerned With Accusations Of Racism, Aunt Jemima Is Being Preemptively Cancel Cultured--As Is Uncle Ben, The Cream Of Wheat Chef, & Mrs. Butterworth--Because We Now Live In A World Where Images Of Black People Are Offensive!
"Am I next?" asks Star Trek's Uhura.
Porn Star Ron Jeremy Arrested & Charged With Raping 3 Women And Sexually Assaulting Another!
"That man is obviously guilty..."
Did I mention he's a Democrat?
"...but I'm sure he's got a good explanation."
Holier Than Thou Tina Fey Demands Four Of Her 30Rock Episodes Featuring Blackface Be Cultured Cancelled!
"Now I feel so much better asking ABC to fire Jimmy Kimmel."
Would Amanda Seyfried Agree To Star In Mama Mia 3!
"In a heartbeat," she affirms. "What else have I got going on?"
Weekend At Biden's Campaign Staff Refuses President Trump's Request For Additional Debates!
"Jello is good," Joe declares, looking presidential in his basement hideaway.
Fake News Special Report!
The Doomsday Clock Has Been Reset...
To BEER-THIRTY!
"We would hate for fans... to think we were complicit in this usage," his family explains.
"Who's Tom Petty?" the George Floyd protestors ask.
Attorney General William Barr Fails To Oust Geoffrey Berman Who Is Investigating President Trump's Allies!
Why are you investigating President Trump's allies?
"Because they're Trump's allies," he says very reasonably.
This Just In!
Prosecutor Geoffrey Berman QUITS!
Hey, Berman.
Why did you just make a liar out of me?
"It's what I do."
Why Did CHAZ (Capital Hill Autonomous Zone) Change Its Name To CHOP (Capital Hill Organized Protest)?
"Because no one knew what 'autonomous' meant."
Concerned With Accusations Of Racism, Aunt Jemima Is Being Preemptively Cancel Cultured--As Is Uncle Ben, The Cream Of Wheat Chef, & Mrs. Butterworth--Because We Now Live In A World Where Images Of Black People Are Offensive!
"Am I next?" asks Star Trek's Uhura.
Porn Star Ron Jeremy Arrested & Charged With Raping 3 Women And Sexually Assaulting Another!
"That man is obviously guilty..."
Did I mention he's a Democrat?
"...but I'm sure he's got a good explanation."
Holier Than Thou Tina Fey Demands Four Of Her 30Rock Episodes Featuring Blackface Be Cultured Cancelled!
"Now I feel so much better asking ABC to fire Jimmy Kimmel."
Would Amanda Seyfried Agree To Star In Mama Mia 3!
"In a heartbeat," she affirms. "What else have I got going on?"
Weekend At Biden's Campaign Staff Refuses President Trump's Request For Additional Debates!
"Jello is good," Joe declares, looking presidential in his basement hideaway.
Fake News Special Report!
The Doomsday Clock Has Been Reset...
To BEER-THIRTY!
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
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