Saturday, July 25, 2020

The Week In Tweets: Special Henpecked Harry Edition!

Fake News Reports!
  
This Just In!
The Washington Redskins Have Changed Their Name...
To FRED!
  
Bari Weiss RESIGNS From The New York Times!
I immediately subscribed to the New York Times just so I could have the satisfaction of immediately CANCELLING my subscription.
  
The United States-Canada Border Closure Has Been Extended For At Least Another Month!
"But only to Justin Trudeau," President Trump clarifies, chuckling gleefully to himself.
  
Addressing A Girl Up Leadership Summit, Former Duchess Of Sussex Meghan Markle Urged The Young Women There To "Use Your Voice"!
"RIGHT, HARRY?"
"...yes, dear..."
  
Edward Kobina Enninful Alleges Being Racially Profiled By A Security Guard At His Workplace Who Told Him To "Use The Loading Bay."
"He only saw the color of my skin," the British Vogue editor said. "Ignoring completely my fashionable UPS-inspired shirt and pant combo."
  
Princess Beatrice Marries Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi In A Private Ceremony In Windsor!
"Because of COVID-19 concerns," a Buckingham Place confirmed in a press release, "we kept the guest list down to a modest 20,000."
  
Not Satisfied Infecting Only Earth With Deadly Viruses, China Successfully Launches Its First Mars Probe!
  
China Successfully Launches Its First Mars Probe In A Continuing Search For Slave Labor!
  
China Has Ordered The United States To Close Its Consulate In Chengdu, Sichuan Province In Retaliation For The US's Closure Of The Chinese Consulate General In Houston!
Oh, that China.
Always stealing our ideas.
  
Chicago Meteorologist Jerry Taft Has Died Of Natural Causes At The Age Of 77!
"See?" brags the Windy City mayor, Lori Lightfoot. "People DO die of natural causes in Chicago."
  
  
 American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
  

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