Saturday, August 21, 2021

The Week In Tweets: Special Afghanistan Edition!

 Fake News Reports!


THIS JUST IN!
   As Afghanistan Falls To The Taliban, The Nobel Committee Nominates Joe Biden To Receive Their Prestigious Peace Prize…
“…for not being Trump.”
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In A Determined Response To The Taliban’s Violent Takeover Of Afghanistan, The UN Security Council Immediately Convened An Emergency Meeting This Monday Morning And Demanded To Know…
“Where’s the champagne and caviar we were promised?”
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With The Taliban’s Takeover Of Afghanistan, President Ashraf Ghani Relinquishes His Office And Promises A Peaceful Transition Of Power!
“I’ll just take the millions of American dollars I stole and go,” he stated, stuffing the silverware into his pockets.
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With Joe Biden’s Foreign Policy Crumbling In His Hands Due To His Handing Over Afghanistan To The Taliban, The Fake News Media Demands To Know…
“…what flavor of ice cream will you be eating today?”
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US Secretary Of State Antony Blinken Defends Joe Biden’s Sudden Withdrawal Of American Troops From Afghanistan Because…
“…what the heck else can I do?”
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I don’t ask for perfection.
   Just a little less imperfection
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Following The Bloody Takeover Of Afghanistan, The Taliban Has Announced They Will Guarantee Afghan Women’s Rights Under The “Limits Of Islam” Because…
   “…the world will believe anything.”
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After The Fall Of Afghanistan, CNN Reporter Clarissa Ward Donned A Burka, Stood With Taliban Fighters In The Streets Of Kabul, And Reported That “They Seem Friendly” And Had A “Welcoming Spirit”!
Her funeral will be held as soon as her body can be located.
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Once Upon A Time In An American Hospital:
   “Before we can admit you we have to know whether or not you’ve been vaccinated for the coronavirus so we can determine how to treat you.”
“I’m unvaccinated, doctor.”
“Get the heck out of my hospital.”
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I believe in charity and giving back to the community.
   Whenever I see people who are down on their luck, I’ll always try to give them a buck, but they don’t usually have change for a fifty.
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My wife doesn’t understand that my having nothing to do isn’t the same as my wanting something to do.
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San Francisco Bay Area Company LQ Digital Is Moving To Downtown Albuquerque In October With At Least 30 Employees On Board!
   “California?” an LQ Digital spokesman said. “We can’t get out of that sinking ship  fast enough.”
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OnlyFans Bans Pornography From Its Social Media Site In A Desperate Attempt To Go Broke.
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Of course you’re entitled to your own opinion.
I just don’t want to hear it is all.
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Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
 
American Chimpanzee
@JimDuchene
  

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