Fake News Reports!
My wife told me we needed to get on a diet.
“By ‘we,’ you mean ‘me,’” I observed.
“I knew you’d understand,” she said.
**********
Rachel Gudgel—A Top Legislative Aide In New Mexico—Issues A Sincere Apology To Native Americans!
“…for something I didn’t do in a time when I wasn’t born.”
**********
Chinese Leader Xi Jinping Defends China’s Uighur Holocaust!
“It’s not our fault they’re so delicious,” he explains.
**********
One thing you can say about me is I’m always on a roll.
But why does it always have to be downhill?
**********
My car broke down about 20 miles from my house.
I wanted to get it home, but my wife got tired of pushing.
**********
I’m not saying my gambling’s gotten out of control, but I lost ten grand this morning just for waking up.
**********
I’m not saying my gambling’s out of control, but I have three children.
I lost the forth when Simone Biles dropped out of the Olympics.
**********
I hitchhiked once when I was a kid because I wanted to see this country.
You can’t see much from the trunk of a car.
**********
I don’t care what ANYBODY says, I just don’t feel safe going back to my teaching job.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch a flight to Vegas.
**********
Hollywood Celebrities Pour Out Of The Closet To Warn The Public They Won’t Hang Out With People Who Aren’t Vaccinated!
“Not that we were going to hang out with you anyway,” Jennifer Aniston affirmed, making her smoochy face.
**********
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
American Chimpanzee
@JimDuchene
No comments:
Post a Comment