Monday, September 6, 2021

The Week In Tweets: Special Labor Day Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, and those sound like some pretty good odds to me.
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My wife tells me she has it all.
All the cooking, all the cleaning, and all the child-raising.
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Department Of Agriculture Officials Were Attacked By Murder Hornets In Washington State!
Nancy Pelosi has immediately begun impeachment proceedings against President Trump regarding his part in this insect insurrection.
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The Interpreter Who Once Rescued Joe Biden In Afghanistan Begs The President To Rescue Him!
“Don’t worry,” the president assured his savior, “we’ve given your name to the Taliban for special consideration.”
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After Calling His Botched Afghanistan Withdrawal An “Extraordinary Success,” Joe Biden Was Asked What Else He Considered Extraordinarily Successful!
“Well, up until they hit that iceberg, those people on the Titanic were having a nice boat ride.”
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Have you ever noticed that when someone asks if you have a minute, they’re really asking for an hour?
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Have you ever noticed people usually run away from things that aren’t chasing them?
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The Very White Derek Hook, A Professor At Duquesne University, Believes That “White People Should Commit Suicide As An Ethical Act” As An “Opportunity” To “Castrate Whiteness” And Is Yet Somehow Still Alive!
“Oh, I meant all of you, not me,” he weaseled.
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“How stupid can you get?” I asked him.
“How stupid do you want me to be?” he answered.
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I’m not drunk, and I’ll prove it.
As soon as I can stand up.
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Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
 
read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at Desert Exposure Magazine

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