Fake News Reports!
Russia Bombs Mosque Near Ukraine Capital!
“Da, is good I not believe in God,” a pompous Putin pronounces.
*********
After A Rash Of People Illegally Trying To Smuggle Bologna Into The United States, The U.S. Border Patrol Announces There Is “Nothing Funny” About Bologna Smuggling!
Yes, there is.
*********
Saturday Night Live’s Sultan Of Stench Pete Davidson Is Getting Ready To Play Himself In A “Raw, Unflinching, Fictionalized” Comedy About His Life!
In SMELL-O-VISION!
*********
For our anniversary, my wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive, so I took her to fill up her car.
*********
Inflation & The Price Of Gas Are Both At An All Time High!
In a related story, Congress just gave itself a whopping 21% raise.
*********
A Fake News Correction:
Fact Checkers Have Determined That Congress DID NOT Receive A 21% Pay Raise!
“We’ll have to make due with our usual graft and bribes.”
*********
Russia BOMBS Ukraine Movie Theater In The Southern Seaport Of Mariupol!
“What can I say?” explained the cranky Putin. "I hate Batman."
*********
SNL’s Very Aromatic Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin!
Hmm… yeah… no red flags there, Kim.
*********
SNL’s Particularly Pungent Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin! Well, THAT’S not creepy.
Not creepy at all.
*********
SNL’s Frequently Fragrant Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin!
Can you spell r-e-s-t-r-a-i-n-i-n-g-o-r-d-e-
*********
SNL’s Favorite Smelly Boy Pete Davidson Had Kim Kardashian’s Name BRANDED Into His Skin! Don’t stories like that usually end with “were found dead in an apparent murder/suicide”?
*********
God give me patience.
AND GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
**********
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
read my RaisingDad humor column for caregivers at
Desert Exposure Magazine
No comments:
Post a Comment