Thursday, September 14, 2017

The Week In Tweets 9-14-17

This Just In!
Kim Jong-Un Eats Some Bad Kimchi!
"Time to detonate another Hydrogen Bomb," he declares.
 
Exercise your right to exercise.
 
Senator John McCain vows, "I'll be back," as he battles brain cancer.
"I've never needed a brain before, I don't need one now," he assures us.
 
This Just In!
Kathy Griffin TAKES BACK apology for Decapitated Trump photo!
Why?
"Because I'm old and no one's talking about me anymore."
 
Shelley Berman, inventor of the "Talking On The Phone" comedy bit, has DIED!
While Bob Newhart, who STOLE Berman's act, LIVES!
Newhart WINS!
 
If I was the judge in Taylor Swift's Groping Incident, one look at her flat booty, and I would've dismissed the case based on a lack of evidence.
 
El Paso County unemployment UP 4.3%
How will the El Paso City Council solve this problem?
"We're raising your taxes FIVE %!" says Mayor Dee Margo.
 
Sometimes it seems the more sleep I get, the sleepier I am.
 
Visit Odessa's Presidential Museum!
Motto: "Not ONE President Has Ever Been From Odessa. Ever!"
 
I want a Periodic Table table.
 
My buddy painted his classic hot rod black with flames coming up the sides.
Sadly, when it actually caught on fire, no one called the Fire Department.
 
This Just In!
Kim Jong-Un Accidentally Sits On A Cucumber!
"Fire Off Another Missile Over Japan!" he says.
 
 
American Chimpanzee
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@JimDuchene
 

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