Tuesday, June 2, 2020

The Week In Tweets: Special God Speaks Edition!

Fake News Reports!
  
Black Man (handcuffed and laying face-down on the street): "I... can't... breathe..."
Police Officer (pressing his knee against the back of the black man's neck): "Sure you can breathe. The fact that you're talking proves that."
Black Man: *dies*
Police Office: "Oops."
  
The Attorney For The Defense: "Before you jump to any conclusions, let me remind the press, the American public, and any potential jurors that there are two sides to every story: the truth... and that lying video footage.
  
The Cook Islands Sacrifices Its Economy To Stay Coronavirus-Free!
A Fake News Future Report:
Dateline 2073
"All Cook Islanders have died from COVID-19. Sadly, they didn't build up the antibodies needed to fight the virus along with the rest of humanity 50 years ago."
  
Monkeys Attack A Meerut Medical College Lab Assistant In India And "Escapes With COVID-19 Samples"!
Now, tell me again how it's impossible that the Coronavirus was accidentally released from the lab it was being studied at in Wuhan, China.
  
CNN Reporter Arrested Live On Air While Reporting On The Minneapolis Riots!
"Now, who do I arrest? These violent thugs rioting and looting, or this peaceful news reporter?"
  
CNBC Reports That Some People Are Accidentally Throwing Away Their Stimulus Checks!
Who ARE these people?
Mostly CNBC viewers.
  
CNBC Reports That Some People Are Accidentally Throwing Away Their Stimulus Checks!
And the Democrats want to trust these people with Mail-In Ballots?
  
Roy Steele, Known As The Oakland A's "Voice Of God," Has Died!
"I Warned Him To Cut That Out," says God, in a prepared statement.
  
Toyota Prius Celebrates Its 20th Year Anniversary In The United States With A Special Edition!
The pre-attached "Biden For President" bumper sticker comes standard.
  
Tyson Foods Assures The American Public That The Meatpackers Who Died From The Coronavirus "Will Be Delicious"!
  
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
  
  
American Chimpanzee
JimDuchene.BlogSpot.com
RaisingMyFather.BlogSpot.com
@JimDuchene
  

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