Fake News Reports!
Getting drunk is like loving the wrong man...
You end up crying, wondering where you went wrong.
I believe in reincarnation.
I've believed that ever since I was a little puppy.
According To CNN, Over 500 Mail Sorting Machines Are Being Taken Out Of Service By The Post Office!
"In the upcoming presidential election," a USPS spokesman explained, "we want something we can blame for screwing up the mail-in voting."
Miley Cyrus!
Naked!
AGAIN!
Taylor Swift Speaks Out Against President Trump's "Calculated Dismantling Of The USPS"!
"...and you know I know what I'm talking about because I sing songs."
Fake News Special Report:
How do you live to be a hundred?
You don't!
Republican John Kasich Endorses Joe Biden At Last Night's Democratic National Convention!
"And it's not because Trump kicked my ass when I ran for president back in 2016," the former Ohio Governor clarifies.
At Today's Democratic National Convention, Bernie Sanders Urged His Supporters To Vote For Joe Biden Because The "Future Of Democracy Is At Stake"!
"...and, by democracy, of course I mean socialism."
Fake News Reporters And Fact-Checkers Assure The American Public That Ballot Drop Boxes Are A Safe And Common U.S. Voting Method!
So common, in fact, that I've never seen one before in my life.
Thousands Attend A Pool Party In Wuhan, The Ground Zero Of COVID-19!
In A Related Story: Thousands die in a freak water park accident in China.
This Just In: Chinese President Xi Jinping proudly announces a drop in Coronavirus cases that's "in the thousands."
American Chimpanzee
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