The Week In Tweets: Special Republican National Convention Edition!

 Fake News Reports!

 
In Last Saturday's Unofficial Prelude To The Republican National Convention, The White House Unveiled Its Newly Renovated Rose Garden!
"We needed additional space to bury Putin's enemies," a spokesman for the president explained.

"I Humbly Accept The Great Honor You Bestow Upon Me Of Being Your Party's Presidential Nominee," A Grateful Donald Trump Says!
"The convention doesn't begin until Monday," an RNC official informs him.
"Junior, execute that man," the president orders.

The Trump Campaign Has Released Its List Of Republican National Convention Speakers!
I'm not on it.
Or even allowed in the building.
Um... can anyone tell me what a "restraining order" is?

This Just In!
Kim Jong-Un Fakes Being In A Coma Just To Get Out Of Speaking At The Republican National Convention!

Monday's RNC Speaking Schedule:
Pledge of Allegiance-President Trump
Prayer-President Trump
Welcome-President Trump
Guest Speaker-President Trump
Nomination-President Trump
Acceptance-President Trump
Ending Remarks-President Trump
Closing Prayer-President Trump

An Energetic President Trump Makes A Surprise Appearance At The Republican National Convention And, In An Impromptu Speech, Addresses The Delegates!
"Ask yourself, are you better off today than you were four years ago?" ...pause... "Let me rephrase that."

Republicans Select Donald Trump As The GOP Presidential Nominee On The First Day Of Their National Convention!
Wow!
Was I the only one who didn't see that coming?

On The Third Night Of The Republican National Convention, Mike Pence Accepted His Party's Vice-Presidential Nomination!
"One more successful election," he said, speaking from Fort McHenry in Baltimore, "and I'll earn my soul back from Satan."

In The Concluding Day Of The Republican National Convention, A Majestic-Looking Donald Trump Accepts His Party's Nomination To Be King!
You mean president.
If you say so.

@JimDuchene Changes Course After Discovering Criticizing President Trump Gets Him More Likes!

  

Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent

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