Fake News Reports!
Vice President Kamala Harris Makes A Last Minute Trip To El Paso Today, Bringing Alejandro Mayorkas With Her!
And what experience do YOU bring to the table, Mr. Mayorkas, to help solve the border crisis?
“We’ll, my name IS Alejandro,” the Homeland Security Secretary offers.
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El Paso Gets Ready For A Last Minute Visit From Kamala Harris!
Decides to just hide everything in the closet.
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In Anticipation Of Kamala Harris’ Last Minute Trip To El Paso, City Decides To Forego Sit-Ups And Just Hold In Its Gut The Entire Time!
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El Paso’s Premier Newspaper—The El Paso Times—Tells Us What We Cam Expect From Kamala Harris’ Last Minute Trip To The City!
“You know… a little of this, a little of that.”
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After Putting Off Dealing With The Border Crisis For As Long As She Could, Kamala Harris In Air Force Two Finally Touches Down In El Paso!
“Sa-aay,” she offers cautiously, looking over the crowd there to greet her, “this isn’t Europe.”
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In Her First Visit To Deal With The Border Crisis, Kamala Harris Greets El Paso Mayor Oscar Leeser!
“Hola, ¿cómo estás?” she bubbles, effervescently.
“Um… we speak English here, you know.” he tells her.
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Honoring Kamala Harris On Her First Trip To The Border, El Paso Followed Its Custom Of Sitting Elected Officials On A Scale And Giving Them Their Weight In Manure!
“Manure? Don’t you mean gold?”
No, I’m pretty sure it’s manure.
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Wanting To Stay Informed About Kamala Harris’ Historic And Important Last Minute Trip To El Paso To Solve The Border Crisis, I’ve Been Reading Her Tweets!
Which, so far, has been easy because there haven’t been any.
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Her Grand Gesture At Its End, Kamala Harris Boards Air Force Two And Leaves El Paso For California!
You know… civilization.
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Well, it sure was nice having Kamala Harris come to the border and solve all our problems. It was refreshing to meet a politician who doesn’t fit the usual stereotypes and…
Hey!
Where’s my wallet?
Jim Duchene
Fake News Chief Correspondent
American Chimpanzee
@JimDuchene
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