Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Border Violence

There's a problem with our state politicians, and I'm not talking about the difference in their bank accounts from when they enter office to when they leave it.  The problem is that Texas politicians who should know better are constantly opening their mouths and inserting their Gucci cowboy boots when it come to El Paso.  If you listen to them--and I try very hard not to--you would think that the streets of our peaceful city are like the movie Desperado.  With bombs going off, cars exploding, and innocent buildings being shot down in cold blood.
     Every September 11th our esteemed Governor and future President--Rick "Four-Eyes" Perry--comes into town to celebrate the annual anniversary of when two planes hi-jacked by Muslim terrorists flew into El Paso's famous Twin Towers.
     "Sir," our Mayor informs him in another annual tradition, "that was in New York."
     "Don't confuse me with facts," the Governor will snap at him, and then they'll go grab a Monster Burger with fries and a diet coke at Frisco's Old-Fashion Burgers on Yarborough Boulevard.
     You see, the problem isn't that our elected representatives are ignorant or ill-informed about our fair city.  The problem is movie night in our state capital.  It's not a problem we have locally.  Democrats tend to like movies along the lines of Pretty Woman and The Fault Among Our Stars.  Whereas Republicans like movies such as Hobo With A Shotgun and anything with Samuel L. Jackson being a badass in.
     That's why when former U.S. Rep. Francisco "el Quikee" Canseco wrote in his March 31st newsletter about "car bombs in El Paso" I simply looked up which movie was playing at the state capital on the 30th, and saw that it was Scarface.  Who could forget the tense scene where Tony Montana refuses to help a Cuban assassin detonate a car bomb because the intended victim had his child with him?
     When the future President of the United States of America--Rick "I've Got Three Points" Perry--made his now infamous comment about car bombs going off in El Paso I couldn't help but remember that Casino was playing the night before.  Hey, the movie begins with a car blowing up.
     It's nothing new.
     I recall President Reagan telling a touching "true" story of a warplane shot down during WWII.  For some reason one of the soliers couldn't parachute out with everybody else, so another soldier held his hand and told him:  "Then we'll go down together."  That was so heartbreaking.  Too bad it didn't really happen.  He was recalling a scene from an old B&W movie he saw about WWII.  Think about it. If the two soldiers died in a plane crash, then who was alive to tell the story?
     So when Canseco refers to the head of the Mexican drug cartel as the evil Lord Voldemort, don't judge him harshly.  He's just a man.
     A man who loves movies.
Fifty Shades of Satire

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