Your Horrorscope!
Sagittarius: I wouldn't get out of bed if I were you.
Pisces: Your mother never loved you.
Aquarius: You'll never be good enough.
Taurus: Is that a clown hiding in your closet?
Virgo: Crazy people don't care about restraining orders.
Aries: I'm not saying it's a tumor, but...
Gemini: There's no point in buying those green bananas.
Libra: Everybody dies. Some sooner than others. Like you, for example.
Cancer: You're about to learn the meaning of the word irony.
Capricorn: Is your health insurance paid up? Just asking.
Scorpio: How long have you had that mole?
Leo: Your neighbor hasn't fed his pit bull in four days.
Jim Duchene
Master Astrostrologist
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