Sagittarius: Things will get better after the amputation.
Pisces: No one will ever love you.
Aquarius: You're going to die alone.
Taurus: Everything you like will give you cancer.
Virgo: Your mother-in-law is going to live forever.
Aries: You'll never be happy.
Gemini: That scratching sound you hear outside your bedroom window… it could be a tree branch.
Libra: It’s only going to get worse.
Cancer: Guess who's expiration date is about to expire?
Capricorn: I'd have a doctor look at that mole if I were you.
Scorpio: Nobody lives forever. Especially you.
Leo: Remember how you said you would rather die than see President Trump win a second term in office? Well...
Jim Duchene
Master Astrostrologist
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