Friday, August 30, 2013

Dear John (8-30-13)

Hard Core Advise From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie!

Dear John,
     Our English springer spaniel has a bad case of fleas again.
     We got him last summer, and couldn't get rid of the fleas until the winter and cold weather. We don't want to bomb the house, so we've tried Frontline. We've also tried Advantage, but nothing seems to work. We vacuum almost daily with a bagless vacuum so we can dump the contents after each use. We comb him daily with a flea comb dipped in soapy water, used tea tree oil on his collar, given him baths with a special shampoo, and constantly wash his bedding.
     WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? We're...
     --At Our Wits End

Dear Wits,
You could get rid of the dog.

Dear John,
     With the intense heat we've been having, my boyfriend and I do not know how to cool to keep our house during the day while we are at work. We have three cats and two Chihuahuas.
     With the cost of electricity so high, keeping the A/C on all day is a luxury we can't afford, but we do want to do what is best for our pets.
     When I was a kid, we did not have the A/C on at all during the summer. My parents kept the windows and doors open instead, day and night. Since this led to the abduction of two of my brothers and one sister, this would not be an option for my boyfriend and I.
     Please tell us what to do.
     --Animal Lover

Dear Lover,
How did the animal kingdom ever survive before you and your boyfriend were born?

Dear John,
     I understand they're both the same species, but can you tell me what the difference is between a big ol' mountain lion and a tiny li'l house cat?

Dear Wondering,
Aw, everybody knows a little pussy never hurt no one.

Confidential to Conjunctivitis
I'd horse-whip you... if I had a horse.
American Chimpanzee

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