Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Grammar By Grammer

Waxing Eloquent
by Gram Grammer

     It has long been a goal of mine to rid the common man's usage of prepositions at the end of sentences. After all, is it not language that raises man above the common beast?
     What? One is not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition? But, Mr. Grammer, I don't even know what a preposition is.
     That's okay. It is my job to teach you, and teach you I shall.
     Prepositions are simple words, such as "of," "to," and "in."
     I recall one day when a dear friend of mine asked me the simple question: "What are you doing that for?"
     I laughed gently, and pointed out to him that the word "for" was a preposition with which he should not have ended his sentence.
     He answered me with his usual clever two-word wit, and, again, I found myself in the position of pointing out to him that, for the record, the word "off" is also a preposition.
     To end this grammatical faux paus for humanity once and for all, I've come up with an alternative ending for any sentence with a proposition at the end. Simply add the following word to the end of every sentence, and this, I'm sure, will solve the problem.
     For example:

Incorrect: "Where you at?"
Correct: "Where you at, bitch!"

     You're welcome, fellow linguists.

American Chimpanzee

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