Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Tweets: Special Nelson Mandela Memorial Edition


The world mourns Nelson Mandela on the sad day of his burial. Yet somehow, the American media made it ALL about Obama.
Obama orders all flags to fly at half-mast to honor Nelson Mandela, a TRUE American.
But, sir, what about our SOLDIERS who've died?
Obama orders all flags to be flown at half-mast to honor Nelson Mandela.
But why not for Britain's former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher when SHE died?
''Duh... she's not black.''
Except for an ill Bush 4l, all living U.S. presidents attend Nelson Mandela's funeral. For Margaret Thatcher's funeral Obama sent the head of the DMV.
''We will never see the likes of Nelson Mandela ever again,'' eulogized President Obama, thinking about his own sad legacy.
Wait a minute, wasn't Nelson Mandela once a terrorist whose violent acts of terror also killed innocent women and children in North Africa?
"WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?'' an angry Obama shouts angrily, using Hilary Clinton's Four-Americans-Murdered-By-Muslims-In-Benghazi go-to argument.
On this date in l8l7, Mississippi became the 2Oth state of the union, after finally agreeing to the caveat that its name be fun to spell.
On this date in l9O6, President Teddy Roosevelt is the first American to win the Nobel Peace Prize. ''And I'll FIGHT any man to keep it! ANY man!''
On this date in l93l, Jane Addams is the first American woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Being female, they made her share her honor with a man, Nicholas Murray Butler.
On this date in l95O, Ralph J. Bunche was the first black American to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Today's standards are different. There aren't any.
On this date in l953, Playboy magazine was first published. In a related story, the bathroom door lock was invented.
On this date in l964, Martin Luther King Jr. won the Nobel Peace Prize. Between him and Obama, who do you think deserves his more? Yeah, me too.
Ten Years Ago Today, Shirin Ebadl from Iran is the first Muslim woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize. She was immediately shot in the head for learning to read.
Raven-Symone turns 28 today! Earlier this year she bravely came out as a lesbian.
     ''Tell us something we DON'T know,'' the world snored.
Susan Dey, the Partridge Family hottie, turns 6l today! SIXTY-ONE?  *sigh*  I was too young for you then, and, sadly, you're too old for me now.
Agnes Nixon, the creator of the soap opera, turns 86 today! Okay, men... now we know who to blame.
American Chimpanzee

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