Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Super Bowl Super Contest!

It's Not Too Late!
There's Still Time To Win An All-Expenses Paid
Super Bowl Super Vacation!
      Not only will you win 1st class air travel to and from New Orleans for the Super Bowl, but you will also receive a five day/four night stay at a luxury 5-star hotel, $5,000.00 in spending cash, and the prostitute of your choice!
     Tickets on the 50-yard line? Forget about it! You will be the personal guest of either the Baltimore Ravens or the San Francisco 49ers--Your Choice!--where you'll sit in the owner's box with full access to the VIP area where the REALLY good-looking prostitutes are kept.
     After the game, you will join the winning coach--either John Harbaugh or his brother Jim Harbaugh--for a well-earned soak in a jacuzzi with--no, not hookers, but--a gaggle of giggling football groupies!
     Aren't you glad the Cowboys crapped out?
     Wait a minute... I'm thinking about last year's Super Bowl. Which teams are playing this year? Who? The Broncos and the Seahawks? Are you sure? And where are they playing? NEW JERSEY? With all that snow?
     The only interesting thing about this game was when Richard "Don't you ever talk about me!" Sherman trash-talked Crabapple or Crabtree or whatever his bad sportsman-like name is, that is, until his coach told him to tone it down.
     "We want our athletes to be as uninteresting as we can make them."
     Well, nevermind, it doesn't matter. It's STILL not too late. You STILL can win an all-expenses paid Super Bowl Super Vacation.
     Now... how do you win?
     I thought you'd never ask.
     It's easy. All you have to do is answer the following questions, and the person with the most correct answers wins! In the case of a tie, the winner will be chosen in a random drawing, and, trust me, if my name happens to be the one chosen, I can assure you, it was just a coincidence.
     Don't wait! Get started now!
1) Who made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs?
     a. Jerry Jones
     b. Peyton Manning
     c. Han Solo
2) What does the "T" in the name James T. Kirk stand for?
     c. Toilet, as in: Where my money goes every time I bet on the Cowboys.
3) What is the capital of Assyria?
     a. I don't know that!
     b. Bo-iing!
     c. Auuuuuuuugh!
4) What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
     a. What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
     b. What? I don't know that!
     c. Bo-iiing! Auuuuuuuugh!
5) Who was Harry Potter's real father?
     a. James Potter
     b. Severus Snape
     c. Boy, that Lilly Potter sure did get around, didn't she?
6) Which Team are you for?
     a. Team Edward
     b. Team Jacob
     c. I don't know what the Hell you're talking about.
Time's Running Out!
You Can't Win If You Don't Enter!
Somebody's Gotta Win... Why Not YOU!
All entries must be received before the deadline. Enter as many times as you like. To win, send your answers to...technical problems... please stand by...
American Chimpanzee

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