Friday, July 12, 2013

Dear John (7-12-13)

Hard Core Advice From
Hard Core’s Hardest Core… John Leslie!

Dear John,
                I am married to a wonderful woman who is generous and helpful. We are both retired, in good health, and live comfortably. We are also baby-sitting two of our grandchildren five days a week, nine months out of the year. We love our grandchildren, but I feel this is too much.
                The problem is, when I talk to my wife about doing less so we could take the winter off and spend it in a warmer climate, she refuses. I want to enjoy my retirement. Winters here are depressing, and limit our physical activities.
                I don’t feel it would be right for me to travel by myself or spend my time in a warmer and more enjoyable place while she stays home and baby-sits.
                How can I get her to realize that the years slip by, and that if we don’t enjoy ourselves, it may be too late when the grandkids no longer need us to baby-sit.

Dear Frustrated,
                You can’t. Get a mistress.

Dear John,
                This is in reply to the widow in Florida who complained that she is unable to make new friends.
                I suggest she find a local animal shelter where she can volunteer her time. Most shelters welcome volunteers, especially during the week. Whether or not she makes new human friends, the animals she works with will appreciate the time she spends with them and wild display a love and loyalty she will treasure forever.

Dear Helpful,
                How about you leave the advice-giving to the professionals?

Dear John,
                My husband works a private college. His male boss had an affair with one of the female directors under him. My husband found out about it and, after much deliberation, brought it to the attention of the human resources department. The president of the college was informed, but he only put the two guilty parties on suspension for two weeks.
                Meanwhile, my husband still has to work for this guy, and this guy constantly undermines him. It is obvious that there is no future for my husband at this college. The affair is still going on, but my husband has told no one else. The spouses are in the dark, too.
                My husband has only worked for this college for a few years. Until this affair, he loved his job and did it well. Our daughter graduates high school next year, and we were hoping she could attend this school tuition-free. Instead, we may have to move, losing whatever benefits we may have accrued.
                Should my husband ask for compensation when he leaves, such as some kind of tuition benefit? The president is about to retire and has no interest in moving my husband to a different department.
                How do we handle this?
                --Mrs. Snitch

Dear Snitch,
                The only time it pays to open your mouth is when you’re in the adult entertainment industry. Quit wasting my time, loser.

Confidential To Picky
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.

American Chimpanzee

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