Friday, July 5, 2013

Dear John (7-5-13)

Hard Core Advise From
Hard Core's Hardest Core... John Leslie!

Dear John,
     My wife of 38 years recently reconnected on Facebook with the guy she was seeing before we started dating. She spent a lengthy amount of time catching up with him on the phone, and then asked whether I would be upset if she met with him. I told her yes I'd be upset, and I forbade her to go.
      She went anyway.
     Over the next two weeks, I've discovered (via our cellphone bill) that he and my wife have been having multiple long conversations. When I told her this upset me, she just laughed. She saw nothing wrong with her behavior, saying I would laugh, too, if I had a sense of humor.
     I was angry and hurt. I told her that if she valued me at all, she was to cut all ties with this guy and not see or speak with him again. I made it clear that she was crossing a line and was jeopardizing our marriage.
     Well, to make a long story short, she's still seeing this guy. What am I to do?

Dear Heartbroken,
Sorry, man. I didn't know she was your wife.

Dear John,
     I can relate to "Native New Yorker," whose voice is hoarse and gravelly. My Southern accent was so pronounced and slow that, when I moved west, people could hardly understand me. Wanting desperately to blend in, I sought the services of a speech therapist. By mistake I went to a sex therapist. Let's just say that people have no problem understanding me now.
     For the record, I find "hoarse and gravelly" very sexy.

Dear Tongue-Tied,
A girl I once dated had a voice that was hoarse and gravelly. As it turned out, she had throat cancer. When she died, I helped myself to whatever she had that was of any value.
It helped me through a hard time.

Dear John,
     My husband has the bad habit of interrupting me while I'm still talking. He anticipates what I'm going to say, and will answer before I'm finished speaking. If I ask what he wants from the grocery store, he will start telling me while I'm still asking, which means I can't hear what he says.
     This is both annoying and rude, but he doesn't get it. Any ideas?

Dear Frustrated,
God gave you two ears and one mouth, because listening is twice as important as talking. He also gave you two eyes. Those are for blackening when your spouse doesn't know when to keep their big yaps shut.

Confidential To On The Wagon
To be honest, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
American Chimpanzee

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