Monday, July 15, 2013

The Supreme Court VS Homosexuality

As a proud gay urban warrior straight outta Compton, it pleased me that the Supreme Court of the United States of America finally recognized the gay community's right to exist. It kept me from having to go down to Washington DC and "change" a few minds the Chicago way. You feel me?
     Well, maybe if you stood closer.
     Personally, I'm against gay marriage. Why do I want to be a part of a failing institution? Why do I want to be accepted by the part of society that doesn't want to accept me? Why does that rash keep coming back?
     No, my brothers and sisters, as a proud gay urban warrior I decided to come up with my own solution. Something better than marriage.
     Something better?
     That's right, something better.
     I decided to adopt my lover, my soul mate. The two of us have been in a committed, almost-monogamous relationship for two weeks, and, besides the legal perks adopting him would give us, it would also add a naughty spiciness to our lovemaking. You feel me?
     Well, maybe if you stood closer.
     It's no secret that there are some in the gay community who are confused about who they are. Am I gay? Am I bi? Am I getting that rash again?
     So it was a pleasant surprise to receive in the mail a test that the Supreme Court came up with to help you decide your sexuality. Haven't got yours yet?
     Don't worry, that's what I'm here for.
     Personally, I don't need to take a test. I'm quite secure in my own particular brand of longer-than-it-is-wide masculinity. I tried it. I liked it. That is who I am. You feel me?
     Oh, yesss... yes, you do... mmm, yeah...
     And don't worry about the rash.
Part One

1.  How would you tell your Uncle Moe that a particular girl is a prostitute?
     a)  She's a pro, Moe.
     b)  She's a hooker, Moe.
     c)  She's a ho, Moe.

2.  When your Uncle Moe wonders who your favorite singer is, you tell him...
     a)  Dean Martin, Moe.
     b)  Tom Jones, Moe.
     c)  Don Ho, Moe.

3.  Your Uncle Moe has forgotten how Santa Laughs.  Can you help him?
     a)  Ha, ha, ha, Moe.
     b)  Hee, hee, hee, Moe.
     c)  Ho, ho, ho, Moe.

4.  When Uncle Moe asks which is your favorite gardening tool, you answer...
     a)  I like the shovel, Moe.
     b)  I like the rake, Moe.
     c)  I like the hoe, Moe.

5.  After playing all day with your Uncle Moe, you say...
     a)  I'm leaving for my house, Moe.
     b)  I'm departing for my abode, Moe.
     c)  I'm going home, Moe.

Part Two
1.  Hear is to ear, as see is to ___.
2.  Dislike is to hate, as like is to ____.
3.  Tiny is to small, as large is to ___.
4.  Flaccid is to soft, as rigid is to ____.
5.  B's are to A's, as two's are to ____.


1.  What do you call a hot dog?
     a) a frankfurter
     b)  a wiener
     c)  my friend


1.  If you LOOKED at this test, you have homosexual tendencies.
2.  If you READ THROUGH this test, you have acted on those tendencies.
3.  And if you actually TOOK this test, then the Supreme Court has determined that you are a homosexual.

American Chimpanzee

No comments:

Post a Comment