Friday, July 19, 2013

Dear John (7-19-13)

Hard Core Advice From
Hard Core’s Hardest Core… John Leslie!

Dear John,
                My grandfather passed away last month, and the wake was catered by a close friend of the family who owns a restaurant. He closed off a section of his dining hall for our family.
                The meal included 15 children under the age of 10, and they were absolute monsters. My nephew threw his shoe across the room and then tripped a waitress. These kids crawled under the table, poking us with forks and smearing food into the carpet. My cousin’s 8 year-old daughter out open condiment packets into my purse and a baked potato in my mother’s coat pocket and then mashed it into the fabric.
                People from other areas of the restaurant complained after my nephew threw food at them. My husband and I left, leaving a large tip for the servers. Other relatives did the same. The dining room was an utter disaster. Before we left town the next morning, my husband and I stopped by the restaurant and left additional money for the inconvenience of cleaning food out of the carpet. My grandmother asked the owner for a full bill of the damage and presented it to those children whose offspring made the mess. It started a huge family fight, and, of course, nobody is taking responsibility for their kids.
                I’ve never seen such appalling behavior, and I doubt my grandfather would have appreciated such disrespect. My husband and I are tempted to send the restaurant owner an anonymous money order because we doubt he will otherwise be compensated.
                My parents are supposed to have their 50th wedding anniversary party at this restaurant next month, and the guest list is almost identical. They’re too embarrassed to go, but don’t want to lose their deposit.
                Should I send a money order? Whatever happened to manners?

Dear Shocked,
                It sounds like you have a lot of cash. Forget those losers, it just so happens I’m looking for investors for my next XXX classic. Additional personal attention fees are negotiable.

Dear John,
                Every time I look in the papers, I see articles about wars, death, etc., but never about the homeless, especially homeless children and runaways. Why is that? These children are our future. There seems to be money for everything from new jails to fixing swimming pools, but not one word about money for the homeless.

Dear Frustrated,
                It just so happens I’m between movie deals and need a place to stay. Since you’re so interested in helping the homeless, maybe you can put me up for a couple of months. Payments in the form of personal attention fees are negotiable. 

Dear John,
                I read the letter from “Cal in Maine,” who complained that his grandchildren rarely communicate with him. I have reread and shared that letter many times.
                I totally agree with him, as my older grandchildren seem to care little about keeping in touch. But I also remember how little I cared about keeping in touch with my own grandparents 40 years ago.

Dear Remembering,
                I’m just the guy to help. If you’re feeling lonely, personal attention fees are negotiable.

Confidential To Shunned
Personal attention fees are negotiable.

American Chimpanzee

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