9) Always use a condom. No evidence, no case.
8) If you can't buy HER witnesses, buy your own.
7) Mmm... Sarah Palin.
6) I can do whatever I want, I'm rich.
5) Don't let her touch your hair.
4) I said, NOT THE HAIR!
3) These aren't the droids your looking for. Move along.
2) Try not to salivate so much when you kiss her. Take it from me, she won't like that.
1) When you take a DNA test, always take someone else's DNA.