Sunday, October 30, 2016

Fifty Shades of Charlie Brown

Linus was heartbroken.
     He had waited the entire night in his pumpkin patch, but the Great Pumpkin never showed up. All because Linus had, in a moment of weakness, shown doubt that the Great Pumpkin would appear to him that Halloween Eve.
     "Good grief!" he cried out, when he realized his mistake. "I said 'if''. I meant, 'when' he comes."
     But it was too late. He was doomed. One little slip like that could cause the Great Pumpkin to pass you by, and it appeared that was exactly what had happened.
     "Oh, Great Pumpkin," Linus cried out into the darkness, "where are you?"

     Wait a minute...
     You don't know who the Great Pumpkin is?
     Well...
     On Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises out of his pumpkin patch and flies through the air with his bag of toys for all the children. However, he visits only the pumpkin patches of the little children who believe in him and rewards those very same little girls and boys for that belief.
     Yeah, Charlie Brown's little sister Sally didn't believe it either.
     "You blockhead!" she yelled at the boy she once had a crush on. "You kept me up all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin, and all that came was a beagle! I didn't get a chance to go out for tricks or treats. And it was all your fault! I'll sue! What a fool I was! I could have had candy apples and gum and cookies and money and all sorts of things. But no! I had to listen to you, you blockhead. What a fool I was. Trick or treats come only once a year, and I missed it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead."
     She then grabbed him and shook him violently.
     "YOU OWE ME RESTITUTION!" she yelled.
     After she had stormed off, Linus looked around.
     "He should have come here," he thought to himself. "He should have come here because I have the most sincere pumpkin patch and he respects sincerity."
     Dejectedly, Linus picked up the trick-or-treating pillowcase he brought with him to carry home his surplus of Halloween goodies from the Great Pumpkin, but, before he could leave, he hesitated. There was a rustling among the pumpkin vines. Something, or someone, was lurking there.
     Linus was confused. The figure didn't look like a pumpkin at all, much less a great one. In fact, it appeared to be a clown. A fat, creepy-looking clown.
     "Are... are you the Great Pumpkin?" he asked the looming presence before him.
     "No," the clown told him, his big red lips grinning. "I'm John Wayne Gacy."
 
Happy Halloween, Everybody!
 
 
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